7 signs that you don’t love him, you love the idea of him

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Dating in 2016 is very different from back in the day. We are glued to our “devices.” We use our phones as a crutch for dating and hooking up. We use bars and nightclubs to drink ourselves into having the courage to hook up with “whoever.” Sex has become a casual thing for many, myself included. The problem is that no matter how casual we want to be with our sex life, there will be instances with certain people that we just cannot be casual with. As humans we are attracted to certain people and we can grow feelings without even realizing it. You don’t have to be in a relationship, you don’t even have to have had sex with the person. Unfortunately, feelings are not always reciprocated. This leads to heartbreak, overthinking, unanswered questions, and ultimate confusion. Is it love? Is it lust or infatuation? Or do you love the idea of him?

7 signs you don’t love him, you love the idea of him

1. You miss him when you are alone

You go the whole day without him crossing your mind. Then as you get into bed, you are sitting there wishing there was someone next to you. Physical affection is important and no one should go too long without it. If you are feeling sad or lonely, those are normal feelings. This does not necessarily mean that you miss him, but more likely means that you miss having someone. Someone to kiss, someone to touch, someone to feel with. Remember that feeling lonely is normal, and temporary.

2. You rationalize his behavior

If he makes a rude comment, you overlook it. If he talks down to you, you ignore it. If he’s rude to your friends, you turn a blind eye. If he changes the subject, you let him. There is a difference between between laid-back and delusional. Making excuses for someone doesn’t help you. If you make it a habit, you will let that irritability grow deep inside of you.  You may end up losing it or even resenting the person. This hurts only you.

3. You start to change your views or opinions

You find yourself questioning your values and what you think matters. You morph your beliefs around his opinions. Perhaps your wants and desires have dwindled or diminished. Stay away from this behavior as this could lead to settling. You don’t deserve to settle, you deserve the best. As frustrating as it can be when you don’t have it all, it is that much more fulfilling and worth the wait when you do.

4. You often fantasize about future memories 

You find yourself imagining future trips and adventures. You focus more on the potential of what could be versus what actually is. Hope is a beautiful thing but ask yourself if you’ve gotten carried away. Is the fantasy better than the reality?

5. There are things you want to change

Would you want someone to change you? Probably not. If you do want to make some changes, this has to be something you discover and then figure out for yourself.

6. You compare yourself to other couples

You think if you just changed this one thing, you would be just as happy as that other couple you envy so much. However, most couples that use social media to shove their visual happiness through your corneas, are the least happy. This does not apply for all. However in my experience, I have noticed the happier couples are usually the ones that are actually out being happy rather than the ones presenting repetitive updates and lengthy explanations of how happy they are.

7. You begin to question what you deserve

Stop that right now. I’ll say it again, you deserve the best, in all aspects of life. Fight for the job, the love, and the life you deserve. Never settle.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.―Steve Jobs

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